| My dreams seem the most relevant when I wake up and realize that I have no idea where they came from.
[[Seattle, picture-taking, dinner with becca, but she was busy with Edward, turned into Lauryne, (split in two?), wanted to eat dinner in rotating restaurant in seattle, she was frustrating me because she kept whining about my choices, and instead of whining back, i was trying to stay calm; something about my mother saying that her mother was always nit-picky, a ride on topiary bushes with lauryne, tried taking pics of needle point or whatever that building is in seattle. lots of solar flares, old 5.0 megapixel camera. ended up walking to get through city, stumbled into a yard, dogs, (llasa apso? but bigger,) systems of fences, but i kept jumping them. pretended to be a janitor because i wanted to look for work inside the school whose yard i ended up in. they mistook me for a cleaning lady and i never got in trouble. was austin there? something with special ed in the school. i was wearing red. I wanted to move there.]] I was on the streets of Seattle; it was evening, and somehow I ran into Becca by accident. I asked her if she wanted to get dinner, but she said Edward was about to get off of work and she had plans. I walked off in a huff and made my way towards a diner. She was trailing sorries as I left, but I didn't pay much attention, because I knew she didn't mean them enough to change her mind. I ended up in a coffee shop, and I was sitting at the table with my childhood friend Lauryne, except there was two of her? They must've represented different sides, but in the dream they were two separate people, because I felt like I was being ganged up against. I wanted to go to dinner in a rotating restaurant at the top of that space needle building, or whatever it is that Seattle's landscape is famous for, but Lauryne was whining about it, and getting really annoyed with my choice. Her mom was there, and I realized that I was kind of being pushy, so I backed off and said, "That's fine, where do you want to go?" But she kept whining. I looked at her mom like, "You see how she is? I'm not even doing anything!" But her mom sided with her. Almost as a flashback, I remember my mom saying something about Debbie being nit-picky, and very hard to please. Sometimes when I looked at one of the Lauryne's faces, it was in so much distress that it seemed distorted, like a very dramatic mask, or even as if it were melting. Next thing I remember, (was this before or after?) Lauryne, her mom, and her old friend Vanessa asked if I wanted to go on some rides in the "park." I get the feeling they would've gone whether I wanted to or not, and the whole situation had me feeling very left out and dejected, (very similiar to the way she used to make me feel in high school.) We ended up high, very high, and we were running across these crazy topiary looking bushes that moved as you crossed, almost like running across logs in water. These were triangular in shape and they spun as if they were anchored to something, (but they were hanging in the air.) From a side point of view, it would almost look as if I was in a videogame challenge. Somehow I managed to stay on, but it seemed as if my dream would not have given me the choice to fall, so it kept me going across, unnaturally at times. I remember trying to take pictures in the city, (not sure if this was before the above,) and I was using my old Kodak digital camera. Everything had a lot of solar flares, and it seemed to come out in some weird magenta hue. As I was walking, I was thinking about how much I really liked the city, and that I could see myself living there. I began walking towards a school there, and I ended up in someone's yard. Lots of green grass. There were multiple chainlink fences, (ridiculously close, like overdone boundaries,) and I was crawling over them relatively easily, kind of surprising myself with my agility. I noticed some dogs barking, but I couldn't tell if they were on my side of the fence or not. One was a large dog with long hair down the ground, straight and neat, (a show dog look for sure.) I kept telling myself it was a Llasa Apso, but I know those are small, so I don't know what I was relating the name to. Eventually, I made it to the school, but I was freaked out that the personnel was going to catch me as a trespasser, when all I wanted to do was inquire about a job so that I could start making money there. I must've changed clothes, because I kind of avoided a janitor near the school, (as if he didn't find me suspiscious because of my uniform.) When I walked inside, someone made a comment about me being a cleaning lady, and I was aware it was teachers from the special ed department. I remember I was wearing red because I caught a glimpse of a reflection of myself. There may have been something about my brother involved, but in general, I felt comfortable, like a had an "in" at the campus. ***** In other news, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room at midnight last Saturday. They kept us there for eight hours. He has a kidney stone, and as of today, it's still floating around inside him. The doctor, (a blonde British gent with Laryngitis that had to whisper his prognosis,) wasn't able to do much because the hospital was under-staffed and over-populated. They pumped him full of pain medicine, gave him a cat scan, and told him he'd eventually pass it. The pain has been causing him to throw up violently, there and back and into the following day. I am not fond of emergency rooms...or hospitals in general. The whole thing was traumatic, but I don't think it began to kick in until yesterday afternoon. I feel myself becoming really irritable about things; I don't mean to take it out on anyone, (especially him,) but I think it's frustrating me that he's not better. It's part of my nature to dissect a problem, but I can't pull this one apart, (or put it back together.) Becca and I were planning to drive up to Ruidoso tomorrow, and now I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, as if I'm abandoning him. He's been eating, but he still has pain in his back, and he's not going to go back to the doctor anytime soon... |
